Carl, Ellie and Naise Life

I have often been heard saying that I feel "deaf" when it comes to hearing God speak to me or seeing Him do work in my life. I have, many times over, admitted to yelling at God in the midst of crying. I have also admitted to feeling overlooked...especially in regard to our infertility. Sunday School brought something to the forefront that our group, among countless other discussions previously, the different ways God communicates directly with us. Ultimately, I know people (well, one for sure) who hear God audibly speak to them. As I stated in a previous post, I have heard Him audibly once in my life. So that route isn't the way He communicates with me. My husband is one who experiences God's direct communications in the form of dreams. Some hear Him through scripture. Some hear Him in countless other ways. Me, nothing. I'm "deaf". Our pastor was gone yesterday, so we had a member of the church give the message. Amy's message was about trust...

I haven't had a problem talking about my eating disorder in the past. I will openly discuss it with students who are even thinking about going down the dangerous path. However, I have been dealing with, what I refer to as, the "voices". They come in at every meal some days. It sounds crazy, but they really infiltrate your thoughts. So, today, I share my story of anorexia.  The teasing had been going on since the start of school. Then, two months in, I heard one of my cousins make fun of my weight to his friends. That moment was the first conscious decision I had made about my weight. I was a tennis player, basketball manager, in marching band...it wasn't like I wasn't active. During the summers, I participated in three different tennis camps throughout the day and played softball. Seriously, some of my weight was still just baby weight that stubbornly refused to go away and began settling in the designated locations that the Sears genetics preferred. Some of it ...

15? Wait a minute. There aren't 15 of us, are there? *counting on my fingers hidden under the table*  Ryan, Charidy, Kristi, John, Adam, Kendra, me, Brandon, Darren, Allison, Becky, Jeremy, Melinda, and Joseph. Nope, that is only 14. Maybe it's a typo, but that's Aunt Janet's handwriting so it can't be. Text...Mom...now. "Why is there a 15 for number of grandchildren?" "I'll tell you later." Oh, phew, error... *read text again*  Wait, what? As I sat and pondered what my Mom could possibly mean by the "I'll tell you later" text, my curiosity grew. Is there another grandchild I don't know about? Seriously, though, I'm 31...how could I not have known an 8th original existed? Gotta know... hurry up in here. I have questions! My Mom, Aunt Gayla, Aunt Janet, Aunt Lu, cousin Ryan, the minister, and I were all gathered around the table at the funeral home reviewing the information that was to be put in my Granddad...