Our Hurt
I have struggled with how to write down what I am feeling right now and over the past week. I have struggled with understanding why we are at a point of utter sadness, grief, longing, and mourning. This is not a place we ever imagined being, but it is where we are. So, as I struggle through this post, I hope it makes sense so that years from now when I revisit this post, I'll know what I meant.
On August 10th, our baby died. He (we imagine our baby was a boy) was only 7, almost 8, weeks old. The world will only understand this as a pregnancy loss or miscarriage. Heck, I have even stated both of those "terms" when making a short conversation. But the truth is that both Brandon and I view life at conception, so our baby died. There are no words to describe what we went through. No words came easily. Sometimes they still don't.
We hurt. We ache for the loss of feeling him kick or hiccup. We hurt for the loss of seeing him outside...for not seeing him grow up in front of our eyes. We hurt.
Brandon put me first, as he always does. He was and is my comfort and my calm when I fall apart. And he hurts so much and so deep. He lost a dream too. This is where my heart breaks more and guilt creeps in. What did I not do right? But, I didn't do anything wrong amd neither did he. I know there will be times it hits more tham others. The date will always be in my mind. We will never forget our baby amd we know he is waiting for us in Heaven. But right now, I need to be the strong one for my husband who aches.
Yes, we acknowledge it as a positive and hope. We got pregnant after 6 years of trying. We know that, but that isn't what we need to hear right now. We just need to grieve our little one...the little one who gave us a tremendous gidt, no matter how short-lived -the chance to be a Mommy and Daddy.
Many know that music helps me...this song will forever remain for me.
https://youtu.be/wKBhAG2SNKE
Until we meet again little one, be spoiled with the people who surround you until we see your precious face. All our love, Mommy and Daddy
On August 10th, our baby died. He (we imagine our baby was a boy) was only 7, almost 8, weeks old. The world will only understand this as a pregnancy loss or miscarriage. Heck, I have even stated both of those "terms" when making a short conversation. But the truth is that both Brandon and I view life at conception, so our baby died. There are no words to describe what we went through. No words came easily. Sometimes they still don't.
We hurt. We ache for the loss of feeling him kick or hiccup. We hurt for the loss of seeing him outside...for not seeing him grow up in front of our eyes. We hurt.
Brandon put me first, as he always does. He was and is my comfort and my calm when I fall apart. And he hurts so much and so deep. He lost a dream too. This is where my heart breaks more and guilt creeps in. What did I not do right? But, I didn't do anything wrong amd neither did he. I know there will be times it hits more tham others. The date will always be in my mind. We will never forget our baby amd we know he is waiting for us in Heaven. But right now, I need to be the strong one for my husband who aches.
Yes, we acknowledge it as a positive and hope. We got pregnant after 6 years of trying. We know that, but that isn't what we need to hear right now. We just need to grieve our little one...the little one who gave us a tremendous gidt, no matter how short-lived -the chance to be a Mommy and Daddy.
Many know that music helps me...this song will forever remain for me.
https://youtu.be/wKBhAG2SNKE
Until we meet again little one, be spoiled with the people who surround you until we see your precious face. All our love, Mommy and Daddy
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