Humble and Kind
For those of you who do not know, my Granddad passed away four years ago. When he passed, unfortunately, a giant rift was created on my Mom's side of the family. My Mom felt she was slighted by the aunt who was in charge of the estate and it created this tension, hurt, and bitterness. Since then, I think I can count on one hand the number of times my Mom and said aunt have been in the same room...let alone talked.
One thing that people learn about me is that I am deeply loyal to and love my family. It hurts that we cannot be a big family like we were when my grandparents were alive. I have cried about it during prayers multiple times...I have prayed for restoration. I have prayed for healing and forgiveness. Unfortunately, my Mom has allowed the enemy to stay put in bitterness, hurt, and unforgiveness. Last Christmas my cousin, Adam, texted his sister and me about having a big family Thanksgiving again. I have talked about missing our big family gatherings for years-even prior to Granddad passing away- and Adam felt it was time for the grandkids to make this happen. We have planned for nearly a year to get everyone together. When I first texted my Mom and sister a photo of the invitation, my Mom's response was "Well that's nice of Adam to open up his house to everyone, but it'll never happen." (This negativity is what I am trying so desperately to rid myself of.)
Last night, I got a text message from her. I was shaken up from my drive home from Hays - I hit a deer and now the car that only has liability has to go to the shop and we pay for all the repairs. So, granted, my nerves were shot and I was an emotional basket case...did I mention I have NEVER hit an animal before?!
My sister has decided they will not go to Adam's because it is too difficult to deal with the animals with a late afternoon meal. (She lives on a farm...they can travel to Washington/Oregon every other year or take a week-long vacation to Montana, but a day trip to Wichita is out of the question?) My Mom didn't even know that was still an option, but said that since Beck and her family weren't going and my Dad has hip replacement surgery this coming weekend, they wouldn't make the trip either. What struck me as odd was that her next message to me was that Brandon and I could go hang out with my cousins and that it wouldn't hurt her feelings, but she has hurt feelings toward my aunt and she cannot let it go. Now, I know some people would say they would do what they want, but not me. I know my Mom well enough to know that if I chose to go to my cousin's house, where the aunt who hurt my Mom's feelings is going to be, would end in me not being spoken to for a while...and she would "recruit" my Dad and sister to shun me as well. Because in my Mom's eyes, I would be choosing to side with my aunt and not her, even though that wouldn't be the reason for me to go. So now, Thanksgiving will be Brandon and I going to Garden City and biting our tongues when things get brought up. We'll trek over to Wichita so we can see whatever family we can on Friday, which includes my cousin, Kristi, whom I haven't seen in person since my Granddad passed away. And I'll forget what I'm thankful for because I'll be hurting.
I bet some of you are wondering where this post is going. I'm truly not trying to be sad, depressing, or overly emotional about this. Am I confused about why we can't set aside hurt feelings to spend a holiday altogether? Yes. Am I frustrated that my Mom seems to push aside my feelings? Yes. But, that isn't going to change anything. So, as I was thinking about the situation while fixing dinner, I heard Tim McGraw's Humble and Kind come on my kitchen TV (for whatever reason I chose to listen to music tonight rather than a Disney movie or Netflix playing). Remember how I have said that God speaks to me mostly through music? This was no coincidence. He was speaking to me this evening because I have been hurting and praying for direction. So what was He telling me?
One thing that people learn about me is that I am deeply loyal to and love my family. It hurts that we cannot be a big family like we were when my grandparents were alive. I have cried about it during prayers multiple times...I have prayed for restoration. I have prayed for healing and forgiveness. Unfortunately, my Mom has allowed the enemy to stay put in bitterness, hurt, and unforgiveness. Last Christmas my cousin, Adam, texted his sister and me about having a big family Thanksgiving again. I have talked about missing our big family gatherings for years-even prior to Granddad passing away- and Adam felt it was time for the grandkids to make this happen. We have planned for nearly a year to get everyone together. When I first texted my Mom and sister a photo of the invitation, my Mom's response was "Well that's nice of Adam to open up his house to everyone, but it'll never happen." (This negativity is what I am trying so desperately to rid myself of.)
Last night, I got a text message from her. I was shaken up from my drive home from Hays - I hit a deer and now the car that only has liability has to go to the shop and we pay for all the repairs. So, granted, my nerves were shot and I was an emotional basket case...did I mention I have NEVER hit an animal before?!
My sister has decided they will not go to Adam's because it is too difficult to deal with the animals with a late afternoon meal. (She lives on a farm...they can travel to Washington/Oregon every other year or take a week-long vacation to Montana, but a day trip to Wichita is out of the question?) My Mom didn't even know that was still an option, but said that since Beck and her family weren't going and my Dad has hip replacement surgery this coming weekend, they wouldn't make the trip either. What struck me as odd was that her next message to me was that Brandon and I could go hang out with my cousins and that it wouldn't hurt her feelings, but she has hurt feelings toward my aunt and she cannot let it go. Now, I know some people would say they would do what they want, but not me. I know my Mom well enough to know that if I chose to go to my cousin's house, where the aunt who hurt my Mom's feelings is going to be, would end in me not being spoken to for a while...and she would "recruit" my Dad and sister to shun me as well. Because in my Mom's eyes, I would be choosing to side with my aunt and not her, even though that wouldn't be the reason for me to go. So now, Thanksgiving will be Brandon and I going to Garden City and biting our tongues when things get brought up. We'll trek over to Wichita so we can see whatever family we can on Friday, which includes my cousin, Kristi, whom I haven't seen in person since my Granddad passed away. And I'll forget what I'm thankful for because I'll be hurting.
I bet some of you are wondering where this post is going. I'm truly not trying to be sad, depressing, or overly emotional about this. Am I confused about why we can't set aside hurt feelings to spend a holiday altogether? Yes. Am I frustrated that my Mom seems to push aside my feelings? Yes. But, that isn't going to change anything. So, as I was thinking about the situation while fixing dinner, I heard Tim McGraw's Humble and Kind come on my kitchen TV (for whatever reason I chose to listen to music tonight rather than a Disney movie or Netflix playing). Remember how I have said that God speaks to me mostly through music? This was no coincidence. He was speaking to me this evening because I have been hurting and praying for direction. So what was He telling me?
- Visit grandpa every chance that you can, It won't be a waste of time
I was the grandkid that visited my grandparents every time I went home, even if it was only for 24 hours. I didn't have to get told to go over there and see them, I would get home and immediately say "I'm going to Granddad and Grandma's." I miss being able to do that. Nowadays, I stop at the cemetery and talk to them. (I would do this if I was in Scottsbluff too with my Grandpa and Grandma.) Nowadays, I have come to realize that my parents are not young. They are 66 years old and I won't have them around forever. Who knows what tomorrow holds...God told me in this line that even though I want to be with my whole family in Wichita, this is just one more chance I have that won't be a waste of time to see my Mom and Dad.
- Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why, Bitterness keeps you from flying
I have been working so hard to not be immediately and always negative like my Mom. God tapped me on the shoulder during this part of the song because I am annoyed by my Mom not letting go of her bitterness/grudge, but I am going into Thanksgiving with the same thing - a chip on my shoulder because she won't budge. I do not want to hold onto that in my life. I may not understand what she went through with my aunt. I may not understand why she always felt like the black sheep of her family. But I know that if I go in with bitterness in my heart, I am not showing her how to be forgiving and compassionate, even in hard times.
- Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
My Mom loves me, even when I feel like she doesn't. I love my Mom, even when I know we aren't seeing eye-to-eye. I love my whole family - flaws and all. I may miss out on the big family event in Wichita on Thanksgiving day, but I can still see them at the holiday. I will still see my Mom, Dad, sister, bro-in-law, and nephew. I never want to take any of them for granted. God blessed with me with the family I have and I am so grateful for all of them, regardless of time together at a holiday.
I know that this will still remain a struggle as Thanksgiving comes. It's already a tough holiday for me because my Grandpa Cottrell passed away the week before it when I was little and that was his and my holiday to be goofballs. Seriously, mashed potatoes went flying a lot between the two of us. But rather than add hurt and pain to memories that I am trying to make more positive to remember my Grandpa, I am going to go into this humble and kind. If no one else will step forward and show what God's love and mercy has done for me, when I definitely know that I have not deserved any of his grace...then I am no better than the family around me who will not forgive one another and move on.
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